This weekend, while at TXSC, I had a few people ask if I intended to keep posting here while still posting at Everyday Present with Liz and Kara.
"Of course!" I would say. "It's just hard to maintain both, but I like having both a personal blog and a co-blog," wondering why someone would ask that.
Well, I just realized that it's been almost a month since I've posted here, so that question now makes sense. And that "not posting" has happened probably for a couple of reasons: I haven't felt inspired by my clothes, have felt self-conscious about my body (hey, it happens!) and have had some busyness (not a lot, but some) come up lately.
There's also been a lot of life stuff going on. Nothing bad--don't worry! Just processing and growing, and trying to figure out what this next year will look like. Trying to figure out what the next step in life for Bear and I is. Trying to figure out what exactly it is that I'm trying to do with my blog(s). Trying to, as cheesy as it sounds, figure out some more of who I am and what I'm good at.
The truth is that I've lost myself a bit. A lot of aspects of my life changed, and I either failed to change with them, or changed myself without knowing why. The saddest thing was that, in a lot of situations, I became afraid of being myself. Deathly afraid. Hiding under the bed afraid.
Once I realized this, it was time to pull back and re-evaluate. That's never been the way I want to live my life.
To me, style blogging is an outlet. And one that fills me, not drains. But lately, I just haven't been excited about it. And if there's one thing I can't do, it's fake interest in something that I'm just not feeling. All this processing and thinking has really drained me of any extra creative or mental energy.
The good news, I suppose, is that I firmly intend to keep blogging here. I'm just waiting for the day that posting an outfit doesn't feel like a chore, but is something I'm proud of and excited about.
That day is coming. I'm just not there yet.